By Mike Barnett
So, as the final day of the Mayan calendar falls this Friday, Dec. 21, the world is supposed to end. Are you ready?
Personally, I’m a little teed off. Friday’s the beginning of the weekend. Wouldn’t Monday have been a better day for an apocalypse? And for heaven’s sake, couldn’t the ancient Mayans have planned a little better? I’m right in the middle of Christmas shopping. What were they thinking?
So anyway…if the Mayans are right…be prepared for earthquakes, floods, fires and pestilence come Friday morning. Come to think about it, how much different is that from any other day?
You say it’s going to be on a global scale? Then I guess there’s nothing I can do about it.
So. Here are some suggestions, advice and personal observations:
- Republicans, Democrats and President Obama: Don’t worry about falling off the fiscal cliff until next Monday. We may all be falling off a much bigger cliff on Friday.
- Avoid Academy stores this week. Survivalists will be competing with Christmas shoppers and the crowds should be huge.
- Don’t forget to build an End of the World playlist for your iPod. Include classics like I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor, Stayin’ Alive by the Bee Gees and I Feel the Earth Move Under My Feet by Carole King. Oh, and don’t forget Bad Moon Rising by Creedence!
- Don’t cash out your 401(k) and go to Vegas. You might regret it Saturday morning.
- On the other hand, don’t make firm plans for Saturday.
- Don’t buy a lottery ticket Thursday night. Because if you win, you know the Mayans were right.
- Eat all the things you really love Thursday, just in case. I’m eating bacon, lots of bacon, for breakfast.
- Men, leave the toilet seat up Thursday night. You know you want to. You can claim forgetfulness if the world doesn’t end Friday.
- Hug your kids and grandkids. You should be doing that anyway.
- Set your alarm for 7:42 Friday morning—the time the world is supposed to end—or sleep through? Decisions, decisions.
Many say the ancient Mayans didn’t predict the end of the world at all. They say Dec. 21, 2012 is just the last day of their very long calendar.
The end of the world makes a much better blog post, though.
See you next week.
And best of luck.